scraps of this and that

My smart phone promised a warm-up but I guess you have to read the fine print even with  a weather app. I'm in shorts and t-shirt but I am NOT going outside dressed like this. Also not because my neighbor's yard is swarming with tree guys.

to be fair, this was yesterday morning

Lucy

The promised weather, the anticipation of working a lot during the upcoming month, and seeing the tree guys swing without fear from tree trunk to tree trunk, has inspired some spring cleaning with the aide of a ladder. And let me tell you, that is definitely an eye opener. Up close and personal with the top of the book case and the ceiling, I had a grant view of hidden cobwebs and dust hills.

The felines have switched their routine to night outings and daytime naps. Except for Homer of course (the of course is for the humans familiar with his interesting habits). And nature is having spring, fitting temperatures or not.

obligatory spring pic

Unfortunately our yard will soon have far less tree trunks- just like at the neighbors. The trees are dead, very tall, and close to the house. My love shook on a deal last week, and soon we will have a lot of wood chips, and even more wood for the hearth. I wish to replace them all with pine trees, create my flat mountain yard...but that's not in the budget.

marked

My smart phone also allowed me to speak face-to-face with my brother, sister-in-law, and my almost-4 year-old niece in their new home in 'far far away' and 12 hours ahead of us time-wise. They had some fun stories to share about getting adjusted to a new environment, climate, and culture.

At times, one or more of my awesome threesome keep me informed of their health/well-being/progress per phone which is not the same as calling anymore, oh no, it is text or the latest: snapchat. So those are things that go on the positive balance of my love/dislike relationship with modern technology.

beautiful tree ring study yard-art by Joanie Drizin

I will be too busy during the upcoming months to post a lot of scraps, but I'll try and report at least on the most exciting upcoming event, full house on Easter weekend.

my inner hipster

It comes out on days like this. A little. I'm making granola right now...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hipster_(contemporary_subculture)

Hmm. That does not define me all the way. But some of the way anyway. Of course as a true hipster one would not admit to being one ;-)

I've been brooding on posting something about this following picture and my thoughts and feelings about it/what it represents for some time. So here goes.

Vera took it last spring, in answer to my request for a portrait that made me look good. (When they were younger, the kids would find it a  fun sport to snap pictures of me with the most horrifying faces...I'm not photogenic).

At first, I did not like it, the portrait. One of my close friends loved it, said that it showed me vulnerable and strong at the same time. And that was the problem- the portrait is too good. It shows ME (not necessarily making me 'look good'). And I was afraid of it. Which made me reflect on the why and how and etc.

First of all, why would I ask my daughter to 'make me look good'. When I have been preaching all her life that it should not be about appearances. If I am so obviously having (body image) issues, if I can't model being a self-confident woman...what am I teaching her really? If anything, my hopes and dreams for my kids have been to feel good about themselves, to be confident, independent thinkers who will question conventions /societal ideas -of beauty, among other things.

My 'do as I say, not as I do' example has been bothering me quite a bit. Meanwhile I studied the picture every now and then, to get courage really. (I do have Brene Brown's book 'Daring Greatly', however I have not made it past the first chapter yet). To accept myself, strength and vulnerability and all (both sides equally scary). I do love the portrait now, but self-acceptance will remain an ongoing process. Sharing that may be the best I can do - even if the kids are no longer kids.

reporting live from the trenches of change

Change. It is constant, inherent to life. As in, the weather is maybe, finally, changing. Which I actually look forward to this time around, if only because it would make the cats happier (and get them out of my hair or at least away from whatever I am working on). Plus I think I have taken enough cute winter pictures for this blog.

Then there is THE change. I believe my body has started with that unnecessary nonsense. No mood swings yet, but definite temperature swings- more accurately: temperature eruptions. During the night this keeps me busy kicking the comforter off and tucking it back in, during the day I am just enduring it as best I can. Although uncomfortable and embarrassing, so far the flashes are actually mild enough not to drench me completely, just a little (I can just hear the kids moaning "eeww mom, gross!" Quite right).

Ongoing of course is the change of having three empty bedrooms and cooking for two. On any given day, we are happy together, my love and I, and we are proud of our young adults conquering the balance of work, school, and life. Then last Saturday night, just as we were settling in for the evening after a yummie meal, Kevin called and started the conversation with "she is gonna be okay". Which was unsettling. He was with Vera in the ER. She slipped on the ice and had a hole in her right-hand palm. My immediate reaction was to get in the car and hightail it over there. Which I didn't - it is a several hours drive and she was not in mortal danger, but still. My baby was hurt, and I was not there to comfort her. That's hard on this mother.

My love and I are working on small life-style changes too. I am trying to refrain from baking sweet stuff, and we are buying healthy foods (for the most part- we're very much human). Eating a bit less and all that good jazz. And now that I can manage my hip/back, we are exercising more. Which is slowly paying off.  'All' I have to do is not change that and stick with it.