through the open door...

I hear the wind through the leaves, my love chopping wood, see the birds busy with fall chores, our cats enjoying the weather.

I am contemplating all the good things in my life while ironing some clothes. "You have never been in my situation", said a mother to me late one night in the ER. True, and I hope I never do have to walk in her shoes, not even for half a mile.

But I've been some places I do not wish upon other people either- psychological pain, sadness, shock, the parent roller coaster. For example, I can see myself long ago, sliding down the wall to the floor clutching the phone, when the doctor called about lab results for my little boy, saying it was very concerning and he should be admitted immediately to the hospital. That moment when all you hear is the blood raging through your head, your heart raw already.

We were lucky then. On hindsight, we have mostly been lucky (so far). But those kind of moments, you do not forget.

It is what most parents want for their children: healthy, happy, successful at navigating life. It is not always what you get.

But no more sounds of my children playing through my door, they are opening different doors in different places and they seem to like what they see so far.

My love and I spent some time in the big city with Vera and her roommates this weekend, we explored several classes at the school where she is studying. We slept on her kitchen/dining room floor. It took some getting used to, this being a guest at my daughter's home. To everyone's amusement I brought my knitting, in Emma's gorgeous bowl.

While we were away,  Thijs took excellent care of the cats at home. We are all missing each other: kids, cats, parents- but we are all doing well. Good things in my life.