Puste Blumen

Because we loved and enjoyed our first born so much, I wished for many more little ones (I remember exclaiming to my mother " I could love ten of these!"). Robert was not quite that enthusiastic, he thought two would be a very good number.

beginning of April 1995

Now I joke that I wanted a girl so much that I got two, or I say that my miscarriages wanted to come together (depending on my mood)- in any case, 15 months after our wonderful Thijs arrived, we welcomed first Vera and 11 minutes later Emma to our family on April 20, 1995.

Emma & Vera

Words will fail to describe the happiness - They were almost term, healthy, and sizable babies, who were kicked out of the warming unit that the hospital had at the ready (see above) to make way for a more deserving little one.

Emma & Vera

Over the years, they have been best friends, best enemies. Thijs had to play 'divide and conquer'. 

Emma & Vera

And 19 times we celebrated their birthday together. Tomorrow, they turn 20 years old, and it will be the first time they are not celebrating together, or celebrating with Thijs and us. I'd like to think that this is a natural result of our trying to raise strong, independent people. 

Emma

Vera

Words fail me now too. I am happy, I miss them so much, I am happy. You go girls!

spring break in St. Augustine, senior year of high school 

it's my birthday (soon) and

... I'll just cry a little, but not about being a year older. ;-) Or even the fact that I am turning 50 years young/old, whatever. It's a number that we humans have attached some significance to, however it remains just a number.

wedding day

I am very thankful though, to my parents, who brought me to life, who loved me unconditionally, who supported me even when I made decisions that hurt them (moving to another continent with their grandchildren is only one of them), and who taught me by example about values and morals and most importantly love.

Of course, this particular birthday brings on lots of reflection, more than usual perhaps. So the no-regrets thing? Yeah, of course, I'm human, so plenty of regrets over the years. But none about some of the most important ones: marrying my true love and having our amazing children.

Both Vera and Emma recently asked for pictures of me and my love when we were younger. Timely, for inciting another layer of reflection: who were these kids, and what happened since?

I can only conclude that I am a lucky girl. A privileged girl. Even though not exactly born into riches or any silver spoons. Neither were our kids, initially. Many people and opportunities in my life though that are enriching in ways more meaningful.

Such as meetings more than a lifetime ago that made me walk my professional path with 'my peeps', families with children who have developmental disabilities. I met a little girl named Maria, a sweet smiling boy named Bart, a rambunctious boy named Benjamin, and many more, and I fell in love over and over again. Blessings to me.

I would really not like to be younger again, although I would love for my body to feel younger. I am much better off now that I don't care so much what people think of me. It is more about things happening outside of me now, in the world (though I remain an introvert).

One of my wishes for the future is, that my love and I will continue our conversation - with each other, and together with the world. And that I can be myself, the same, no matter what my outside may look like.