screwed on right

My head wasn't, screwed on right I mean. It got quite out of whack with recent events at work, which I am not going to tell you about- I just was at a loss as how to behave or respond or think or feel. It was sad. I think I am slowly coming to terms with things and finding a balance.

cobwebs decorating the door for the season, cobwebs in my head/heart

Both Thijs and Vera joined me this glorious autumn weekend. As always, we did lots of hanging out and talking. I got some much needed rest (battling some sort of throat/ear bug) and late this morning, while trying to take a phone-picture of the fall garden, I was greeted by this:

The best sort of good-morning!

Yes, we are missing Emma. John tried valiantly to make up for it. Which was indeed nice but not the same. As I am typing this, I am enjoying the evening sounds of the woods through the open door.

(not the best picture ~ celebrating)

I think for now, that is most of what I wanted to say. Not much, but then, I'm still working on this balance thing.

ugh, I've got to get that ironing board out of the room! 

And I gave myself a present, to work on another balance:

So onward I go, wacky head and all,  figuring it out as we all are (I am assuming). Happy 'Indian summer'!

Self care

While enjoying dinner (made from scratch by my love) last night around 20.30 hr (or 8.30 pm) after a Saturday afternoon at work, my love looked at me and asked " And who is your social worker? I think you need one".

Quite right, my love is. Although I think I am practicing 'self-care' as instructed at school. Every weekend we relax, do fun things, pet the cats, work on projects...(and chores).

with fall in the air, I started some new things and finished some old

Last week we enjoyed a Sunday afternoon with our first-born, walking and talking and exploring the food scene in his college town. I completely forgot to bring a camera - which I had reminded myself to do only a couple hundred times before we left- and thus I can't share any pictures, but it was really lovely.

On Friday night we attended a violin competition, enjoyed three finalists's virtuoso, and each other's company of course. (We must not know much about violin playing, because our favorite came in last...least favorite won...but we still had a great time).

Yesterday I went to work, just the afternoon (which ran a little over, oh well). One parent said to me "I really appreciate what you do", and another in the ER told me that I have "such a calm spirit". And it is true, I am different when I am working. I am glad that nobody can look in my head and see the chaos that is really going on!

Today is a glorious day, sunny and windy. The pizza dough is rising outside on a tree stump. Mila came home for a brief moment. Homer decided after almost four years to forgive us for saving his life by force-feeding him when we brought him home from the Humane Society, and now actually lays down on our laps. Last night I talked to my little brother who is at the other side of the world!

I do need to process some of the work, some of the choices that lay before me, some of the changes that are continuing at work, some of the lessons learned. My love is right, as is often the case. I had come to the same conclusion just this week. Which puts one more item on the to-do list!

more luxury, no problems

Not quite done yet with the end-of-summer beginning-of-the-academic-year visits. Although yesterday's trip was inspired by the fact that there was a Magritte exhibit at the Art Institute in the big city, we took full advantage of the company of Vera and Jake as well.

Pictures all taken with my phone so quality not too exiting. But the day certainly was. We had lunch at a cafe called 'the Bourgeois Pig', which was lovely. The cafe and the lunch both, and of course the company.

Then we immersed in the wonderful world of art and surrealism. Our heads full, we needed to refresh a little before taking a beautiful walk along the lake shore and through town to end up at our dinner place- another great find that real locals only know about, 'the butcher and the burger'.

Jake is pointing out one of his many (wishful dreaming) apartments in the city

sidewalk dining in Lincoln Park area

Then it was time to drive home to Indiana. Where I am now listening to a cricket singing outside the kitchen window. I'm looking forward to cooler fall times. Soon we will do our last 'furniture run' to Thijs's new digs (and spend some no doubt good times with the first born of my amazing three-some) and then we can settle in to prepare for Thanksgiving. I am hoping to see all of them (family, friends) around my table then.

Indiana skies

luxury problems

We drove Emma and some furniture back to the big city before the beginning of the new academic year. It was my idea but then I feared to be overwhelmed with busy city and no rest in my head. And introvert that I am...

Lucy nestled herself into this

No need to worry though, it was actually lovely- we boldly went way outside the downtown comfort zone to the northern tip of Manhattan and visited the Cloisters. Medieval art, herb garden, overlooking the Hudson river...And the next day, The Brooklyn botanic gardens.

It did take a LOT of walking, even with all the underground traveling, but it was worth it. Exploring with a real 'local' (Emma) we enjoyed cute and hidden places such as The rabbit hole for lunch, and Alta (tapas bar, definitely a 'hidden gem') for dinner.

We took in some different culture at the Met(ropolitan).

haha- typical tourists, right? Central park.

art everywhere, this in the subway

We stayed in Emma's room/apartment. It is a very nice place. She showed us the store where they found some of their furniture- the four of them are having a hard time deciding how they want to decorate their living/kitchen area, and that is where the title of this post comes from. When I was a student... and for years afterwards...I was happy to even have furniture. 

The quarreling about matching things irritated me- what is it all about anyway? Of course it also made me reflect about my own mile long wish list for different furniture and other luxury items.

Back  home, we found that we have the 'native garden' we saw in Brooklyn botanical gardens right in our own backyard too. Although the young adults have all started their semesters, we have some more traveling/driving still in the planning. Because no matter where they are, we enjoy hanging out with them. (No matter how their apartments are furnished ;-)

I hope Thijs will have that attitude towards his quilt- the fact that I made it (slowly, slowly) will outweigh the multiple imperfections. Homer definitely doesn't care about uneven lines or a little mess up, as you can see.

but

our weekend here was peaceful,

but...not so for other people, some who we know, most who we don't know.

We have been texting with our children who are all doing well, but... a friend from work lost her only child unexpectedly this past weekend.

We have been working a bit and reading a lot, but... in some area of the world people are so desperate for a better, more peaceful life for their children/themselves, that they are subjecting them(selves) to incredibly uncertain and hazardous journeys with small hopes of a better life.

Our children are healthy so far, but... a neighbor told me that her little one has a rare medical condition and that the family's experience with the place where I work was 'the worst they have ever experienced in the medical field'.

We have plenty of love to spread around but... elsewhere in the world, even down the street maybe, there seems to be so much hatred and violence and despair.

People may say good things happen to good people but ... I know this not to be true at all because all people are created equal, and we are no better than the next person, and I am sometimes just waiting for the ax to fall, because, this seems completely random to me.

My gut reaction to all this and more is to stick my head in the sand, crawl back into my own peaceful world, but...I can't escape the news, I can't stop caring, and it is not about me anyway. So here, again, is my advice, for what it's worth- hug your family, spread the love. No buts.

nothing much - count your blessings

I feel like I should post something, but nothing profound or funny or insightful is going on in my brain right now. I am sitting at our kitchen table, Lucy behind the screen, looking out over the back yard with my morning coffee on a Saturday. Isn't that quite a story in itself? And I just saw a hummingbird getting nectar from the lavender and hosta flowers.

I had been feeling a bit  down lately (see previous post) but I think I'm out of that dip now. I just temporarily forgot how to handle the stress and how to count my blessings. That was my oma Margje's favorite hymn - Count your blessings. I would do well to remember that.

Now the scene outside has changed : I see Gus stalking a huge butterfly. My love draining the rainwater from the camping chairs- the young adults had a campfire last night.

At work, I am spending a bit of time with someone who can see the positive in almost any situation, an excellent example to follow.

So my traveling brain was longing for the pacific coast (northern part) and at the same time I am consciously noticing what I can enjoy at home.

Ah, the youth is waking up. Good thing I made a large pot of coffee. Let's see what the day brings.

the head and the heart

both feel a little heavy today. I haven't slept well the past nights, that doesn't help. And some days/weeks, my job gets to me (more than other times). Hence the nights, I suspect.

I find it difficult to turn my mind away from thoughts about all the 'things' I could not 'fix'. People I could not help. The magic wand I do not have. That's a whole lot of negative.

Not that it helps one bit to dwell on that- and I do notice the positive and the beauty, but the balance is just not tipping to the bright side. Even though I did spend a fun day with Vera yesterday. And I have plenty of enjoyables in my life. But it's not about me.

I have another day before the workweek starts again. Maybe time will turn this heaviness away, that and some stitching on the quilt perhaps?